High Flying
by alikat522
Summary: The Mile High Club is the topic of the day on MJN Air.


[Door opens.]

"Hi, chaps. What are you up to?"

"The exact same thing we were three minutes ago, Arthur. Eating from the cheese tray. What has gotten into you this flight? You're up here every other minute; shouldn't you be keeping a better eye on our passengers?"

"Well, it's just the two passengers, Skip."

"Yes, but you would think that a couple of newlyweds would want everything to go right on the flight to their honeymoon."

"Oh, I don't know, Martin. The day after my second wedding, I was still hung over. Had been the day of the wedding to. It took until my third marriage to learn that you do not plan your stag night for the evening before."

"Ah. Well, then maybe you should go check if the passengers need any pain medications or air sickness bags. Cover all the bases."

"You see, chaps, I would go check on the passengers or serve them dinner or something but, um…they're not there."

"…Did they grow wings and fancy an earlier landing?"

"No, no, they're still in the plane, just not, uh, in their seats."

"Arthur, we told you before, if someone tries to rob the galley, you have the authority to tell them to go back to their seats. This had better not be a repeat of the Barcelona flight."

"No, they're not in the galley, they are…well you see, they're in the loo."

"What, both of them? Arthur, what are they both doing in…oh."

"And the coin finally drops for the gallant and experienced captain."

"Shut up, Douglas. Arthur, you're not telling me that the passengers are actually doing, uh, that, on board of GERTI?"

"Yes, it does not seem like the most romantic of locations to make sure the knot is firmly tied."

"Well, when she got up to use the loo, I thought she was just using the loo. For, you know, loo-things. But then I guess he needed to use the loo as well, except that she wasn't done with it yet, and now I don't think they're actually using the loo for loo-things. And I think the door might break very very soon. It sounds like it's going to break."

"Well then go and stop them! That is inappropriate behavior to begin with, and if they are damaging our aircraft, then they have to be stopped!"

"Skip, I…I really don't want to open that door."

"And come on, Martin, they're just a couple of happy kids. I was the same after all of my weddings; you just can't manage to keep your hands off each other."

"As soon as the hangover wore off, you mean."

"No better cure for a hangover. And besides, I'd hate to see them blocked from getting their membership into the ever exclusive Mile-High Club."

"You see, that's just one more thing I don't understand about this. Why, of all the places to have, um, relations with your loved one, why in God's name would you choose the cramped bathroom of an aeroplane?"

"Martin, do not tell me you have never even considered having sex on an aeroplane. I'd hardly believe you've never considered sex _with _an aeroplane."

"Oh, ha ha ha, very funny. This is a high specialized machine flown by professionals, not the back seat of a car parked in a uni's parking lot."

"Had some experience with that, have you?"

"I-I am not going into that with you. Not on the flight deck of a plane. Because aeroplanes are supposed to be a more dignified sort of place. I know you have a hard time believing that, but they are supposed to be important. This is hallowed ground."

"Air."

"Pardon?"

"We're not on the ground, Skip. We're in the air. Maybe it's hallowed ground when we've landed, but right now it's hallowed air. Or hallowed metal and plastic, on top of a lot of air."

"Regardless, this is not the sort of place to be having sex. Don't you agree, Arthur?"

"I guess so. Whenever I've had sex on GERTI, it's been landed, but I guess it is all hallowed when we're flying."

"…"

"…"

"What?"

"Arthur, just…just leave. Go back to the galley and leave us to our cheese."

"Alright, chaps."

[Door opens and closes.]

"…Wow."

"Yes, it does always turn out to be the ones you don't expect."

"But Arthur? Really? Arthur?"

"Oh Martin, who are we to judge his little bit of fun?"

"I'm just hoping that his cleaning skills are better than they seem."

"…Ah…Does kind of make you want to wear gloves on GERTI in the future."

"And never use the loo here again."


End file.
